My (very) own concept of family
Do you really think this would be a good read from someone like me? Well, better watch out because you might not expect what you’re expecting on this article. In short, this is not a good article for Good Housekeeping Magazine or such lifestyle magazines that are credible and could be used on a day-to-day basis.
If you think this is a positive post, well… NO. Actually, these things I will be posting is from a point-of-view from someone who is an “anak.” After posting rants and frustrations about family matters, I think this is the right way for me to converse in a manner that people will not judge me for what I’m writing. It’s about how you will deal with it, and how you’ll handle it.
Now how do I really define what a “family” is really about?
Here are the rules that I will impose to my future family (yes, hopefully if I will marry someone who will adjust to my standards):
1.) Respect the class schedule of your children – This is the most important part when it comes to planning for a vacation. Whether it’s a family bonding like let’s say, celebrating your birthday while classes are going on should be something that MUST be avoided AT ALL TIMES. Perfect attendance, whether you like it or not, is a prestige requirement and something that should be taken pride of. Buying a plane ticket on the week of your child’s special day (e.g., graduation ball, film viewing, special quizzes, periodical exams, project defense) strictly and religiously requires permission from the child FIRST-HAND before you reserve one or more.
2.) When it comes to work, study vs. vacation, always think in black and white (work is work, study is study, vacay is vacay. No mixing up of those things) – This is the most important golden rule when it comes to balancing work and vacation. You cannot just strip out your kids from their classes just because you’re going out-of-town for your birthday, bonding with relatives. Hayyyy nako. Again, it strictly and religiously requires permission from your children, whether you like it or else [Side Note: This is the good side of the Beckhams. Even though they’re the most admired, well-respected but (sometimes) despised family, they still make “sulit” of their children’s education by prolly requiring them to achieve perfect attendance at school]. I believe that when parents strip their children out of their class (thus losing their qualifications to attain a perfect attendance award) just to go out-of-town is a form of climbing the social ladder.
3.) Support one another, do not be a dictator – Forcing and shoving your wants to your children and thinking of their interests as “nonsense” and “unimportant” is a big fuck you. If you shove piano lessons over ballet, taekwondo lessons over social life and err… glee club over computer club, that is bullcrap. That is the most sickening and irritating mortal sin that I have ever seen. That is almost like how Amy Chua described the “Chinese way” of raising children which is again, a big fuck you. Here, these “shoving” will just make them take these things for granted (completely). After that, they will abandon that and will have NO complete interest in looking back. Don’t tell them, “Other kids cannot afford/access these things.” Those are shitty excuses as a form of shoving just for you guys to brag that they’re actually doing this and that if they’re not really going to be proud of it (har har!).
4.) Allow your children to learn something outside the campus–without your unwanted and unimportant intervention – Yes, it’s better to allow them to learn how to use a Handycam, allowing them to own a PDA/smartphone because I believe this is more substantial rather than the nonsensical and “unimportant” shoving of your own personal interests toward your children. This is a BETTER WAY of learning–supporting and allowing them to PURSUE their own interests, because if they really don’t want those things that you shove, then there’s (absolutely) NOTHING you can do with it. They have a mind of their own (HAHAHA, take that Christine Bersola).
5.) Overprotectionism and being meddlesome are mortal sins – If you think you will ruin your child’s plans, then fuck you. Always be considerate by asking their permission first rather than being over-confident that you will buy a plane ticket just because “No classes next week! I think I could bond with them!” Always seek their permission strictly and religiously or else, that will make you LESS of a person. Let them roam free and discover their own interests and directions rather than interfering their wants and needs. Also, it’s better if you just give them the chance to look more “attractive” in high school so that they will fit in the social bandwagon rather than making them feel that they’re losers just because of your “laid-back” mentality (fuck that shit, puh-leeze!). Allow them to realize that their crushes that they’re really admiring won’t be worthy to them (don’t hinder them to look more “attractive” according to a guy’s standards–being left alone is a big boo-hoo!).
6.) Allow your children to mingle with their cousins on a daily basis (while they’re younger) – This is a MUST, because they won’t be sociable if you do not allow them to enter this stage–for instance, interacting with these people on a daily basis. Let them feel that they’re the most important people rather than YOU as “pa-importante” because you are a parent, and you should know better.
7.) You should not force one’s feelings in a hurry – If you have conflict with your child(ren), just leave them alone for a long time in order for them to forgive you sincerely. Rushing their feelings will influence them to rush others’ feelings in a hurry. That’s not a healthy thing to do.
BONUS: Respect their obsessive-compulsive character – NEVER expose them to know-it-all people (well, they’re the most toxic people in the world, not only in the Metro) in order for them to walk and roam around freely. Know-it-all people are nothing and they’re worthless. They talk nonsense unless you think their opinions and ideas are more superior (to add, they’re the worst and the most terrible power-tripping people you’ll ever meet).
So far, this is how I define what family is all about. If parents DISOBEY and BREAK these seven golden rules consistently, then they must be crazy. These rules are in a point of view of an obsessive-compulsive person like me, who was raised “the Chinese way,” just as how Amy Chua described it.
This is not a handbook on how children should be raised properly. It is how parents should be more understanding and considerate when it comes to a child’s obsessive-compulsive character (these people should be “pa-importante,” in a way that they should be prioritized and at the same time given special and preferential treatment). If they won’t follow the seven stated “rules,” then here’s the catch:
If you respect my obsessive-compulsive character, then I will like you. But… if you don’t, then f*ck you.
You see, respect begets respect. Respect is earned, so if you want to be respected, exchange conversations for a while and ask what you like and don’t like in a person. That way, they will adjust to you while you adjust to their expectations and standards. This should be first observed when talking to relatives, then to colleagues, schoolmates and acquaintances. If you don’t think that this is a good start, why not just start a casual conversation at the first place? Of course, this is a good practice if you really want to be respected–even though you’re one of the least popular people in the campus (well it’s better to be THAT way rather than to be well-known in a bad light). Know-it-alls failed to do this one, so they just diss introverted and OC people and become kiss-ass to the walking contradictions. For the know-it-alls (yeah, this seems irrelevant but they should be included haha), they think that being superior over the ordinary and the least popular people is their only goal in life (no kidding, but up to now, they’re still the most unpopular losers in the social strata–Isko people are even better than them). In order to please the know-it-alls, always give way to them almost everyday without leaving something to yourself (again, this is no joke). Overall, these know-it-alls are people to avoid.
Now the reason why I wrote these seven “simple” rules is because I believe that these are so far, the best things to do in order to achieve the ideal way of raising children. I would commend Roxyisferox when it comes to these things.
I am not yet a parent, pero anak rin ako, and I understand how children nowadays undergo these “hardship” stages in life.
I actually notice how the family-oriented system is abused here in the Philippines, and these experiences are inspirations and motivations why I wrote this article. In one forum in GIRLTalk, a certain GIRLTalker was “enslaved” by her own power-tripping mother who works in the government (as in maraming koneksyon, para lang maging superior-above-all ang lola niyo, este mightier-than-thou ang peg! Jusmiyo!). This person’s father, however, died in an accident so that’s why she lived her life being a slave rather than being a daughter–which is actually something really sad. She was forced to “abort” her baby (well, I’d say that this person has a very weak coping mechanism–in other words, meek-minded) and was also forced to leave her own husband. This is the sad reality of being Asian–the family-oriented system is really a big deal and the most important thing.
I understand what she’s going through, and she really needs to get the f*ck out of this country with her husband just to avoid that “monster” in her life. I’m just telling everyone how it should be done, and escape must be achieved in order to have a more peaceful life. If I were to be asked right now, I’d love to get the f*ck out of PH and go somewhere else–just to get rid of these bad things that go back to me that require me to annoy the bad elements (hahahaha you know what those are!).
There are reasons why I usually associate monster moms with Irene Kho and Jennilyn Magsaysay. There are reasons why I don’t give a f*cking damn about the Barretto family’s conflict that almost defeated the wrath of the second World War. There are reasons why I am an avid hater of what is called as “oligarchy.” I suggest that cronyism and nepotism must be minimized because these examples are no longer showing what an ideal family is all about. It just shows how the family-oriented system should be eradicated in our culture and society. We just have to do what is right and just–in order to achieve social stability in our country.
Posted on June 16, 2013, in Department of Liberal Arts, Opinion, The Shrink and tagged children, definition, family, opinion, parents, personal, thoughts, upbringing. Bookmark the permalink. 6 Comments.