Signs of Loss

Hello, there! So, if you guys have those people whom you loved… are now gone, I think this is the time for you to know how it is to watch out for the most dangerous signs of… err just read the entry.

75th Birthday

My paternal grandmother’s birthday, she was 75 that time. This was the most ultimate birthday party ever. All relatives came to see her and even their friends. We showed some music and dance, as these things are really well-prepared. The happiest moments led to something… which is not right.

It was my grandma who went to the cemetery, despite having a lot of sickness. Yes, I recall those days when she is hospitalized, but recovers soon. Oh, sa’n ka pa? But this time, this is real serious. Wala na. Wala na talaga. I think there’s something not right will happen. It was real. She’s dying.

Because she went to the cemetery to visit her father, it started it all. She collapsed. That made her not walk forever… and that’s the start of her days being punished for her stubbornness. I have to admit, we have bad days also. She would always make pointless reasons why her own grandchildren are always wrong… etc., but I usually beg her to patch things up because what she’s doing doesn’t seem healthy at all. That’s right. I usually do all the apologies. Du’n na talaga nagsimula lahat.

To show our bitterness, ‘yun. We dissed everything up because we were forced to please her and shiz, but actually it was wrong. Bisitahin mo lang sarili mong lola, tapos iba ang gagawin mo? Hello? But yes, that’s our expression for her to realize all her wrongs. That’s where everything started.

It’s really like this. She learned to accept her fate, and those complications are starting to weaken her condition. ‘Yun nga, eh. Hindi ko pala alam na mawawala na siya. ‘Yun na. Hindi na pala siya tatagal sa mundo. Totoong 100 years old na siya, lupa na siya. That’s one good memory I could recall about her.

My childhood self: Papano po kung 100 years old na po kayo?
Grandma: Lupa na ako niyan, apo. Tataniman mo pa ng halaman ‘yan.

Ah, I think I should say good things naman, because it’s really not a good idea to be a whore in the Internet.

She told me that I will inherit all her books. Siguro naman paper pa ‘yan. But I hope, yes… sana paper pa rin ‘yung mga libro doon. Haay…

Yep, those Upanishads, Hindu beliefs, Chinese heaven, Jade emperor… I hope I could get those books and read them again so that I would share in the world how much I learned a lot, even the Aquarian Gospel of Jesus the Christ.

Grabe talaga. Marami siyang alam, sa totoo lang (Gosh! I think I’m speaking Filipino here, oh no! Well, never mind.) alam niya ‘yung Bible, ‘yung religion, politics, history of the Philippines and the WWII, at iba pa. In English, she’s a wide reader. She taught me the value of reading as if you feed your mind with good knowledge. Kaya course ko, halata naman sa knowledge ko ‘di ba?

Anyway, it was the last term of my frosh year when I knew that she… passed away.

Hoping to go back to the real province so that I would visit her and tell the good news to her. Oh, and lemme share with you that she always shows up in my dreams. She knows me very well that I’m afraid of spirits. So, I think she’s got no choice but to follow my wishes.

Do you want me to share those teachings that come from her? There are some sensitive topics that I don’t want to tell, but I’ll tell you the good ones, alright.

The Last and the Most Ultimate Bonding

Remember the Hermit who loves the color black and is a genius? Don’t be fooled with the word “genius,” okay? Not all geniuses experience a good, normal life. They’re usually the ones who are targeted for high expectations. Like what I said before, the ones who usually become successful are the ones who don’t get a decent job, etc. due to the fact that they become arrogant. That’s what I mean. Once you become arrogant, people will talk behind your back and will not respect you if you are not present.

This was the case when I had this last bonding with the Hermit. That time, I was still stuck in the identity crisis period, not knowing what will happen next. I planned for his confidence booster that he’ll soon show his greatest talent by filming. Yes, we talked about things that I want to tell him, even the worst jokes. He’s very tolerant… but one day, something happened isn’t fucking right…

He was a complete introvert, actually.

Actually, not was. He IS actually an introvert.

If he’s so open about telling his life during high school, he would usually say that he’s the solution to everyone’s problems since… he’s too big to be harassed. He should be thankful for being a big dude, and a hot one. Yeah, fuck, I’ll miss him a lot.

The last and the best gift ever

It is the iPhone 4S. It has cooler features than its predecessor. Fudge, I want one so bad that I want one after graduation. Oh, it’s not really on my plans at all since the iPod touch 4G is really my dream iPod. Kidding. It takes a lot of brains to get something that you want. Oh, well.

It wasn’t until Steve Jobs passed away. I think that was his best gift to every Apple fan… but you have to purchase it. Dx

But anyway… it’s not the last gift! Don’t lose hope, Mr. Woz is still there to please you!

Why do I have to share you these?

Life is like a short story. The climax is always the most exciting part of the story and yes, it also happens in real life. If you have ultimate bonding moments, same with either positive or negative outcome. If the love of my life has been estranged with me, it’s because we didn’t completely knew each other– just yet during that time.

There are days that become the pink candle of the advent wreath, just like third year high school. It was the best high school year for me and nothing would interfere its value of being the most memorable. Just like my 17th birthday, it’s like a debut-like “pre-debut.” I’m the only one who advanced a debut-like party, actually. To be honest, I find 18 roses, 18 dances and 18 treasures too old-school. I’m not really a traditional person, actually. It’s just that I stick to what should be within your own preference.

I love the days being 18 years old, even without a debut party. Wala. Mahirap piliin kung sino ‘yung magiging ka-dance mo sa 18 roses, eh. So, ayos lang naman.


About Molybdenum Studios

I am a very opinionated person. Get used to it. If you can't stand it, then so be it.

Posted on October 6, 2011, in Good Ol' Memories, Opinion and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

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